MTTs and life - Part 2
Hello. I used to have a thread on here which was this: https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/174/p...
Since then, alot has happened, a few good things but alot of life being a bitch (and me too). Came home from ept barcelona and just knew right away based on some things that happened there, and also my entire life leading up to it, that it was time to go through with figuring out if i have adhd or add or whatever whatever, which ive basically known ive had all my life. Got diagnosed with adhd at 29 (end of 2025) and then after paying to do it privately rather than wait 3-4 years to even get to speak to a doctor, the clinic i went to got shut down and my life was in shambles. After finding the correct medicine for me personally and having some of the most productive and healthy months in my life i went to some kind of dark places mentally. Dont want to make it a cryfest but just incase one or two people who read the last thread wants to be filled in a little bit on whats been going on, the short version is nothing good.
If you want to see graphs/results, theres a bunch in my last thread, i lost alot of my graphs since i had to first make a swedish GG account that was reset, and now they removed RB for swedish players and made us re-create new swedish accounts once again, so i dont even have an account on that site anymore. At this point i actually cant access my lifetime earnings but i dont really care about it either. Basically always did very well at mid stakes but never really took a step from there except a little shot taking here and there.
After having a horrible horrible stretch of variance for some time, and just having too many things hit me at once in life leading that i wasnt quite equipped to handle as i would have liked, leading to to lackluster volume and study in general, things are looking up a bit, and ive done very well since june 1st:
I know there are very kind and smart people on here who can offer insight/advice/encouraging words etc, but i also know trolls and idiots who have nothing to contribute with will post here and i feel safe in saying you are very welcome, i would like to think there will be no more 4am rants answering those from my end. I realize positivity and point of view is often (almost always) a choice and i choose those, but im no saint so im sure there will be some tilted posts at some point, however i do genuninely think just having a better/more positive outlook on things and not being so focused on everything i hate in this world (that i cant really change anyways other than being a good person, treating everyone i interact with respectfully and try to be as generous with my time/whatever i can do for others.)
I may post a bunch, or i may post nothing at all. All i know writing **** down helps.
Having some public accountability will help me get going with the things im planning to do the rest of the year. At the end of the day all im trying to do is find peace and live a happy life, and i think with that comes poker and whatever else might be in store for me in the future also. But well being needs to always be prioritized because i have fled in to poker so many times ive lost count, and its possible to play alot, study alot, in a healthy way where you also get sunlight, alot of steps, good food yada yada. So i guess the goal of the thread is to stumble my way towards a happier life. Also i have not been logged in here since i ended my last thread, so apologies to all the dms ive ignored, sent out some answers but felt even more stupid to do it with so much time having gone since i last logged in. Just wanted to say those were not read and then ignored but just never seen!
Heres to hoping this isnt the one and only post i make in this one. I feel like i might keep it rolling for a while. Im stuck in sweden for atleast this year out and will use it to grind, study, excercise and eat clean. I really do not enjoy this country, and I want out next year, but with how poker regulations in europe are looking and visa situations outside of it, i really dont know where to anymore. I guess thats a problem for another day, but if anyone has recommendations hit me!
Until next time, hopefully.
Blommish
8 Replies
GL
Why not create a new account on GG? I assume RB isn't really cruical for MTT grinders
Good to see you again here, bro!
Healing is not linear, you have variance there too.
Can't be perfect at everything and everytime. You will have a part of your life that sucks. Good enough it's enough. 😀
Come to Romania, we have a lot of birocracy, beautiful cities, beautiful girls and only 4% tax for poker witrawal. When they wanted to change the law I was looking at Montenegro to move and I know a lot of poker players live in Malta or Bali.
Trolls are everywhere and the thing is they teach us something about ourselves with the triggers. So, let's change the perspective and thank those f..king a..holes. 😀
GLGL
GL
Why not create a new account on GG? I assume RB isn't really cruical for MTT grinders
I mean, i have, 3 times. Now its a new client and i was already moving away from gg even with "60%" RB (No chance that was 60 when i was mostly winning, during rough stretches it sure felt like it paid out alot more generously. Was mostly just mentinoning it since i cant provide a pretty lifetime graph as i have probably 300k + just 6 figures or something in winnings there that i dont have access to, im not staunchly (kind of guessing some of these english words, correct me if i use them poorly) against creating a new account, but GG was good for off peak, high rb and thats about it IMO. I have more mtts to play than spaces to fill them in almost always when im grinding, and I dont see much point in forcing in their **** structures with (relatively speaking) tough fields when i can just pick an equal, or even more expensive mtt elsewhere that i will make more money on.
Good to see you again here, bro!Healing is not linear, you have variance there too. Can't be perfect at everything and everytime. You will have a part of your life that sucks. Good enough it's enough. 😀Come to Romania, we have a lot of birocracy, beautiful cities, beautiful girls and only 4% tax for poker witrawal. When they wanted to change the law I was looking at Montenegro
Well, youur msg def was a factor in me even consider it, so thank your self for that 😃 Will have some questions about romania on discord, also, have lived in malta, its a ****ing shithole, and now you have been warned. Never again. Lol
4% is 4% more than here, but cost of living differences should make it +ev lol. Sweden really is getting out of control.
Bali seems like a worse it than thailand for me, but thailand afaik limits you to like two years with a student visa. And i dont want to be on traveling foot, i want a new home base. "Luckily" Im stuck here for a while so got some time to figure things out.
Also fwiw i keep geetting back to the quote that "healing doesnt happen without suffering", but how the **** are you supposed to know if you are just suffering or if its actually doing anything productive in the long run for you
Upswing continues
Session results (won the 215 stackosaurus, took 4th and two biggest bounties in some mystery for like 3k eur, won a small 44bb on stars, 2nd in a 55 turbo and some other fts without massive payouts. Talk about going in to a peak sunday grind with some momentum. Lets get it trmw!
Month:
We don't know at that time if suffering helps. Fun and games! 😃
We will talk on discord about Romania and others
You are crushing MTTs. GG!
Hey,
just wanted to say that I enjoyed your previous blogs and so its pretty cool that you are back. Not only because your results have always been insane but more because you have some interesting perspectives on life.
Are you grinding towards a specific monetary goal? Do you have any plans to move up in stakes or also play live poker?
Best of luck!
I like sweden. There was a time in my life I was only eating stuff from Ikea, meatballs and hot-dogs. Just buy a Volvo and drive to some beautiful place. make a fire by a lake and watch the world go by with your boyfriend.
I like sweden. There was a time in my life I was only eating stuff from Ikea, meatballs and hot-dogs. Just buy a Volvo and drive to some beautiful place. make a fire by a lake and watch the world go by with your boyfriend.
Hahhahahah wtf dood.
Op goat mtt reg is back.
Hey,
just wanted to say that I enjoyed your previous blogs and so its pretty cool that you are back. Not only because your results have always been insane but more because you have some interesting perspectives on life.
Are you grinding towards a specific monetary goal? Do you have any plans to move up in stakes or also play live poker?
Best of luck!
Hey broski. First of all thats very kind of you and not something i can remember being told, although i think i just have common sense mixed with being like a little bit ******ed. Genuinely appreciate it though.
Funnilly enough (its not fun at all) ive been really having a hard time lately with life and i notice myself becoming more and more cynical. Like i wish so much karma exists, but when u do cfp with someone who plays like a complete spazz, double his winrate, he decides he doesnt need u anymore even though you have an agreement, then see him HU in them milly in the lobby, or the guy you stake and coach and buy a pc for and just ask him to pay it forward as a thanks, then read that he is allegedely stealing money and has reached out to me for loans. Or the american ****er who said i "really knew what i was talking about" when i coached him for free, then ended up scamming me for PENNIES. Like a 100$. I would have given it to him if he asked, instead of ****ing putting me off forever. Ive been told maybe its becuse these people are overrespresented in poker, as if countries arent just bombing civilians right now, america is literally openly corrupted and lead by a demented pedophile. Swedens prime minister (who makes bank, ofc) has taken an apartment meant for like women in vurneraable situations and made it his in the past, and all these morons are doing are yelling the left sucks! the right sucks! As if either side gives a flying **** about them. Wake up!
It seems like being a ****ing piece of **** works out for people. sometimes almost like its a feauture not a bug. I "wish" i could also be that, but you dont really want to be a piece of ****. I just go down bad roads of thought when i am not doing great i hate being negtaive but i am quite often. I am pretty tired now and just ranting, but main point being i can not believe the world is the way it is, and we have the nerve to think we are a smart species. Atleast i have learned that im not the only one who is ******ed, im actually pretty non ******ed i think compared to alot of these idiots out there. Just need to delete reddit and im off all ***** social media. I can not change the world and so i dont want to hear about any of it. Id like to see it though!
As for your questions, yes, but not really. When i was diagnosed with adhd was just after ept barca last year where i took a really bad beat for like top 5 stack w 40sih left in estrella hr vs an old fun player (who binked it for 700k, glad i could help) who got it in on the turn with A9 9s vs my KK on AKx9 so he had 2p and fd and i had a set. Also had a day 2 in some 1k and f2td it. I see now in hindsight it was probably a blessing in disguise because i actually came home and did what i had been begging for for many years, i got help. Which then went to hell, and now i am getting some new help from another (confirmed legit) clinic so not only do i not believe in long term goals, but i am not having any goals at all right now other than make it through this time until the dust settles, ive secured consistent medication and ill be grinding and studying away. When im a bit more stable i know exactly what routines will be heavily enforced, and i will prioritize my own well being over climbing stakes quickly or stuff like that, but yes, i would like to see how far i can get, but i need to become the version of myself that is ready to take that on, and that i do by not worrying about the future or when/if x or y will happen, but try to improve slightly each day, focus on building good habits. But i will try to give myself grace until my medication situation is fixed and then I know exactly what im going to do, and im soft launching these things already (its just like study, grind, take long walks, eat fine and sleep ok) because those are the biggest fires i have to get rid of right now.
I like sweden. There was a time in my life I was only eating stuff from Ikea, meatballs and hot-dogs. Just buy a Volvo and drive to some beautiful place. make a fire by a lake and watch the world go by with your boyfriend.
I dont know if you are trying to ragebait or funny, im leaning both but you managed neither. Im not gay, and even more importantly i would not drive a volvo because ACAB, and even if you wanted all three things, these are widely available outside of sweden. Its just made here. Idk if your saying im gay as ur punchline? Now thats comedic writing. Excellent work man.
ret@rds gonna ****** man. My fav all caps guy is you buddy 😃 glad to be back.
Poker
I grinded sunday, monday, tuesday wednesday and thursday. Got killed all sessions and was running a gazillion under ev in bbs. Still sat down today, started ****ing horribly and ended in a rpetty satisfactory way. I havent looked up neither how much i lost those days or won today, so posting these graphs wil be interesting.
Today:
Month:
+ A little bit of of rb, made like 500-1k range probably.
