Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis
I woke up in the middle of choking to death again; though to be accurate, it was towards the end of the process--woke up
My OCD Problem
My newly replenished work ethic has led to me checking the Ultimate X video poker machines five days a week, which in turn has greatly increased the likelihood of casino regs and employees noticing my frequent checking behavior, which can only appear odd to the curious.
Last week, a poker reg watched me leave the table, sit down at a nearby Ultimate X machine, and without putting any money in it, rapidly scroll through the 60-odd screens on the machine, only to get up without playing a single hand and return to the table.
I prefer to check every X machine in the casino if that's possible. Even on a good day there is less than one +EV play per machine on average, in spite of all those 60-100+ screens per machine, so I need to cast my net as widely and as thoroughly as possible on that front.
Players will occasionally sit on an X machine for hours, blocking my access (but potentially leaving me +EV nuggets, so bless them) so after I check all the available machines, I start playing poker, and afterwards I get up from the table from time to time to check on the straggler machines as they become available. This was the case when the reg caught me checking one.
He told me that he saw me messing with the machine and asked what I was doing. I made some lame excuse like "I'm just checking to see what's winning," which didn't seem to convince him, at all, and I quickly pointed out that it was his action on the hand in play.
Video poker regs also see what I'm doing five days a week, and my behavior is unusual compared to other vp players. A few of the vp regs bounce from machine to machine, but they don't scroll through every single screen, and they at least play a few hands on each machine before they move on.
I have already been asked what I'm doing by a couple of vp regs, and I've made the same lame noises as I made to the poker reg, and I've moved on as quickly as possible.
One thing I'm not going to do is tell the truth: "I'm making money on these games that you also love to play every day but on which you lose significantly. Winning is a simple thing to do; here's how. Since you're going to be here every day in any case, you can be my new competition. Tell your friends"
So, I have been considering claiming that I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and that I am compelled to check every screen, otherwise I feel that something terrible will happen. And if I don't check all the screens on a machine perfectly, I won't be able to play that particular machine. That will explain my playing no hands on some machines.
But am I insulting people who are actually suffering from this disorder by pretending to represent them? That's my dilemma. I mean, I might have a minor touch of it. I'd say on the bell curve of OCD behaviors, I probably sit around a quarter to a half of a standard deviation to the right of the average. I do a lot of checking behaviors in general. But that's kind of like possessing 1/16th Cherokee blood and calling oneself a Native American.
All this mental healthface business has got me thinking about Stanley, the former lead singer of the 90s band Life Sex and Death. I posted one of their videos upthread as an example of a transition band between hair metal and grunge.
Stanley behaved like he had a type of schizophrenia. He wore a dirty, unwashed, ill-fitting suit; he smelled bad, behaved oddly, and he often spoke using word salads. LSD put out only one album, The Silent Majority, which I bought and enjoyed after seeing one of their videos on Beavis and Butthead.
I admired Stanley for keeping it together well enough to front a minorly successful rock band.
I was a gullible young man. Many years later I discovered that Stanley was a character cooked up by one Chris Stann, son of wealthy Chicago real estate developrers.
LSD had made its start as a full-blown hair metal band, with Chris Stann and his bouncing permed locks fronting it.
The band soon switched to a grungier sound, likely aiming to sidestep the early-90s hair metal apocalypse, and Chris Stann became Stanley.
Nowadays that seems opprobrious, mining the mannerisms of folks with mental health issues for profit. But one might argue that Stann was doing it for art; he wouldn't be the first nor the last actor to play the part.
Getting back to my case: I wouldn't be pretending to suffer from OCD for art's sake. My job is to extract EV from machines; there's no art to it.
I started this essay yesterday morning, and I've since had some time to think about what I'll say when I'm inevitably asked again what the hell I'm doing. At this point my answer will probably be a hedge; i.e. the same as I was considering above, but without me mentioning OCD. Something along the lines of "I have this thing where I feel like I need to look at all the screens, or I'll have bad luck. I know it's weird."
I will describe the condition, and then let the curious make their own diagnoses. After all, I will not be making up my situation from whole cloth; I do feel compelled to look at every screen. I'd be missing value if I didn't.
When you do that 5 days a week in the same casino, week after week, that easily gets quite noticeable obv, especially in a not too large casino like yours and prolly not too many good excuses you can find for it. Same problem as with BJ card counting basically.
The obv play would be to spread out to different casinos. I know it's more commuting time, gas money, car wear and whatnot but something to consider. Would prolly be beneficial for the poker too, not playing against the same player pool always.
Based on a very small sample size when I was visiting some time ago, the 1/2 game at Foxwoods and Mohegan was as soft as it gets, the only problem was these games played very small with low minimum buyins, not sure if anything has changed there. You'd prolly have to play 2/5. I mean the 2/5 at foxwoods was ridiculously soft too and played pretty small (sample size one table) that would prolly play more like the MGM 1/2. That game north of Boston, forgot the name, Rivers? was quite good too, but not sure if they had any adv slots or any slots at all, don't remember. Might have been a pure cardroom. But yes, a longer drive. Just something to consider.
When you do that 5 days a week in the same casino, week after week, that easily gets quite noticeable obv, especially in a not too large casino like yours and prolly not too many good excuses you can find for it. Same problem as with BJ card counting basically. The obv play would be to spread out to different casinos. I know it's more commuting time, gas money, car wear and wha
The 3 hour daily round trip in every direction is just too long for me and the Jeep. So far, the Asian Syndicate has been parking members on the slot floor nearly 24/7 for several years, and I don't think anyone has been backed off. One of them won a car in a promotion the other day.
I at least pay rake to the casino over several hours of live poker when I visit. I'll point that out if there's any trouble going forward, for whatever that's worth.
Today I ran a set of jacks into a straight and didn't improve by the river, and that contributed mightily to my $500 loss over 3.5 hours.
Fortunately, the Hexbreak3r machine finally lifted its curse and payed off to the tune of around $350. That and other wins gave me +$523 from the slot floor over 2.5 hours.
Friday is my Wednesday, as far as my work week goes, and it was a decent one on the slot floor, as I pulled in $270 over 4.5 hours. I also made $100 in 4 hours at the poker table.
Since MGM pays $1/hour in food comps for poker, and I've been racking up the hours recently, I decided to treat myself and take out $30 in comps for one of the Tap Sports Bar's double burgers, along with some of their baked pretzels.
At some point in the recent past, however, The Tap has switched over to smashburgers. Now, smashburgers seem to be replacing patty burgers with in a lot of different places, but the format for the cheap, ultra-processed beef pressed into thin layers that makes up smashburger meat has been around since the 70s in the form of Steak-umms™
Spoiler
My mom fed me these thin, rectangular meat wafers somewhat frequently when I was a kid; they were cheap, easy to make, and I didn't have a discerning palate. But nowadays, I'm not paying $18 for a goddamn Steak-umm™ on a hamburger bun. Hard pass.
Get this: The Tap has a High Roller burger which they sell to morons for $75. It used to at least have two patties and whatever else they put on it: truffle powder, siberian ginseng, gold foil, whatever. But nowadays it's just a damn smashburger, so the fools are fools twice over for buying it.
I settled instead for the $28 fried chicken meal. The fried chicken was just two glorified chicken patties. They came with a dab of mediocre mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli, which was...steamed broccoil.
Mind you, the service at The Tap is great. The bartenders are top-notch. It's a good place to go if you want to down some craft beers and watch a geme.
I ordered the Diet Coke.
Here's a potentially interesting hand from today. I will post my thoughts on it and the results tomorrow. Anyone who wants to comment on it before I post results will have my respect for your gumption and moxie.
Villain (UTG+!) is a pretty standard $1/$2 player, a little more aggressive than average compared to the player pool. For preflop, sometimes he limps, sometimes he opens for $5, and sometimes he opens for $12. Effective stacks are around $420 (nice).
There are two promotions running: one pays $500 instantly for any straight flush; another pays $16000 for a 6-high straight flush in spades.
UTG+1 opens for $5, MP calls, I make it $25 from the SB with Q♣Q♠, UTG+1 calls, MP folds.
Pot: ($57) - heads up
Flop - K♥4♠5♠
I bet $30 and UTG+1 calls.
Pot: ($117) - heads up
Turn - K♣
I bet $50 and UTG+1 calls
Pot: ($217) - heads up
River - 9♥
I check and UTG +1 bets $130
Pot: ($347) - Hero left to act.
pretty happily shrug-calling even without the promo
we beat most everything other than a K and there are only 2 of them left, and lots of players would play a K more aggro since board is wet (I guess he can also have 99 in which case sure sure nh nh)
lots of draws existed and all missed
he's more agg than normal and we have ceded control with the check
I would have checked river to call and would now implement the plan
Check the flop
Now that I've calmed down a bit, I may have exaggerated by claiming that smashburgers were equivalent to Steak-umms™. I will retract that here before I get roasted too badly and just say that I prefer non-flattened patties.
Gotta be right 37% or more when calling to break even or profit. Odds seem better that he can have 76s (spades or otherwise), some other spade draw, or a pocket pair between 66 & JJ at least as often as he has KX. Call. If you lose to KX (or 99), tap the table & say "nice hand."
Villain has 95o and rivers three pair. Dealer has brain spasm and awards Villain the pot. SJ rage quits and eats a $75 minute steak. Not my first 1-2 game...
Next hand.
I had to google "what is a smash burger?"... 😊
75 freaking dollars $$$ for a fracking burger :shocked:😮 Are these strictly casino inflated prices or what!?!?!?!
I use to work in this Mexican restaurant in Montreal - which was the French Canadian version/perspective on what Mexican food (supposedly) is 🙄 - and we had a burger which was called Le Monstre (The Monster). It was actually a chicken burger, but so fracking voluptuous that if you managed to finish the full plate (which included a generous portion of fries), you would get a free T-shirt stating j'ai survecu le monstre (I survived the Monster). Now I only got to serve 2 of these burgers during my 3 months stint in that restaurant - few people ventured to order it -, but out of those 2 victims, one ended up puking directly on the floor, which apparently happened at an estimated 50% clip, according to the other veteran cooks :p
Here's a potentially interesting hand from today. I will post my thoughts on it and the results tomorrow. Anyone who wants to comment on it before I post results will have my respect for your gumption and moxie.Villain (UTG+!) is a pretty standard $1/$2 player, a little more aggressive than average compared to the player pool. For preflop, sometimes he limps, sometimes he opens
Pre-flop: I'd go bigger here, especially considering the 200 BB effective stacks. $35 sounds about right.
Flop: Good board for your range. I can see merit in checking, but I don't mind the cbet. You'll get value from medium pocket pairs, draws, A5s etc.
Turn: Good card, since it makes it a lot less likely that villain holds a K. You also double-block KQ. Against passive players, I prefer betting for value. Versus aggro fish, check/call is better (with the plan to check/call blank rivers as well). Versus this villain, I think I'm okay with your line, although I don't know how aggressive he is post-flop.
River: All draws miss. Checking is probably the play. Versus aggressive opponents, I think I would check AK here as well.
I'm probably calling off the $130 with these pot odds. Too bad you hold the Q♠, but you can't have it all.
Now that I've calmed down a bit, I may have exaggerated by claiming that smashburgers were equivalent to Steak-umms™. I will retract that here before I get roasted too badly and just say that I prefer non-flattened patties.
A well executed smash burgers is wonderful and better than most standard burgers.
Also yes glad you backtracked on Steak-umms™. I had a cousin who grew up on these with my aunt being a single mom that worked crazy hours this was one of his main food groups. Half the time I’d hang out with him my aunt would make these and I coujj oh d barely swallow them. Almost forgot about them and now had a terrible flashback.
Fold pre, ldo.
Sometimes I keep on, on the turn, sometimes I go into check-call mode. Since you say this guy is a little more aggressive than standard, I like your play and read. As mentioned above, shrug-call river.
I had to google "what is a smash burger?"... 😊75 freaking dollars $$$ for a fracking burger :shocked:😮 Are these strictly casino inflated prices or what!?!?!?!I use to work in this Mexican restaurant in Montreal - which was the French Canadian version/perspective on what Mexican food (supposedly) is 🙄 - and we had a burger which was called Le Monstre (The Monster). It was
obligatory
Spoiler
Thank you for the great replies and advice!
I forgot to mention that the promos require there to be $10 in the pot, so more than a few promo-hunting regs will open for $5 when they have a promo hand. They know it's likely that they'll get at least one caller, so they don't have to worry about building a pot post, as opposed to say, a $6 limped pot when the other two players don't hit anything on the board.
Since Villain had $5 and $12 opening sizes, I felt it likely that his $5 open correlated with a promo hand, and it would consist of small and medium pairs (for quads) and suited connectors and suited gappers (for straight flushes), as well as low suited spades for the $16000 hand, which was a 6-high spade straight flush, or (I didn't mention this before, sorry) a 5-high straight flush in hearts also paid $16k.
I made it $25 to keep in his chintziest hands like 5♠2♠, 3♠2♠, and their equivalents in hearts, otherwise $35 would have been viable.
As far as checking flop goes, pot-controlling a marginal/good made hand per ninefingershuffle makes sense, but I do get a lot of folds from this player pool to my c-bets on K high flops, even on semi-wet boards. My image is tight and these guys can't help but put me on AK a lot. I don't mind taking down a $55 pot on the flop, and he's probably still going to call at least once with a number of worse pocket pairs, which gives me value.
Now, on the K♥5♠4♠K♣9♥ board, I think we can discount a lot of AK, which I think he would open for $12 in EP, or open for $5 then 4-bet me pre, of which he was capable.
I also block KQ, as Sheep pointed out. If he held other kings and 99, I think I would hear from him via a raise on the flop or the turn, as Black Aces 518 pointed out. On the turn I prefer bet/folding over check/calling, as the latter doesn't narrow his range much. If he semibluffs me on the turn, then well played, sir. But my range has all the kings, so that would be a bold semibluff indeed.
I get to the river with a bluffcatcher, so it's up to me to find some bluffs, and there are a lot of them, as TopGun in VA pointed out, especially given the promos and the board.
With a bluffcatcher on the river vs an aggro opponent on a board where there are a lot of bluffs, you check and you call. I called, Villain taps the table, says "I missed," and mucks.
i'll give it a go
(to be clear one opinion from a guy who has played live casino poker sum total of three times in his life)
UTG+1 opens for $5, MP calls, I make it $25 from the SB with Q♣Q♠, UTG+1 calls, MP folds.
AA, KK, and AK
AA, AK, KK, 55, 44, AK, and many misc two pair combos
a very beneficial card flips most of the misc two pair benefits toward you and only really improves hands that already beat you
nothing really changed since your turn decision, did it (unless 99 got lucky)
no flush or straight draws got there
A lackluster day at the poker table with -$33 over 4 hours, and another decent day at the slots with +$103 over 3 hours.
i'll give it a go(to be clear one opinion from a guy who has played live casino poker sum total of three times in his life)AA, KK, and AKAA, AK, KK, 55, 44, AK, and many misc two pair combosa very beneficial card flips most of the misc two pair benefits toward you and only really improves hands that already beat younothing really changed since your turn decision, did it (unless
Simulpost. It happens.
Great grinding Suited. Your ult X conundrum is so funny because the game is close to two decades old at this point and is kind of a forgotten play but if these people just google “ultimate x checking” the first thing that pops up is how to beat the game but ploppies and poker players are so lazy.
The two things I’ve gotten heat for on slots is checking Ult X, one time I was asked to leave the VP section at a Boyd joint but I could still check slots machines (lol). The other one is while waiting on a handpay or a machine malfunction, checking every nearby machine and running up a big ticket or hitting another handpay.
Checking ult X that frequently is probably a bit of overkill but I don’t think you should stop because I know we just can’t stop ourselves from hunting for EV. When I get called out for the playing/checking while waiting on a handpay I usually say something like “I know I am a degen, it’s what my wife/mom/friends always say” or if I want to be stand offish I will say, “this is a casino right, I am allowed to gamble in this casino right, do you want me to not gamble, also why is my hand pay taking so long?”
I don’t think saying you have OCD would be offensive to people that struggle with it but I think it is a suboptimal excuse. I would say, “I used to be a big video poker degen, and this helps keep me from degening too much, but I still play a few hands here and there.”
i think ux machines tend to grouped in very large batches, the one in springfield is probably like 20 or so all together iirc and so it's a much more obvious situation than to quickly check a bank of 3-4 machines of something else and then move on
