Has anyone ever had someone in their family "Conned" or mislead/taken advantage of?

My mom got conned into taking my brother and I to an orthodontist when we were kids. We both got braces, total scam. Unfortunately there was nothing my brother or I could do about it.

We also went to a dentist every 6 months, despite there being no scientific evidence that this is necessary. My parents still to this day go to a dentist every 6 months. I haven't been to a dentist in 25 years.

hear hear... it is a scam/scandal if you have reasonably good home dental practices.

I am thinking more of elder abuse from outside of the family...

Almost. Someone called my mom saying I was in jail for a DUI and needed $5k for bail. It took her half a day to finally get the thought to call me directly, but she spent some time trying to get the money ready to pay the scam.

She did pay someone with a gift card for two laptops that she never received, but that was more of my nephews' fault. I don't think she's made that mistake again.

Assuming we are not talking about something illegal, the TLDR version is it is very hard to convince them and each situation is unique. It is easier to con someone then to convince someone they are being conned.

My family's story. About 15 years ago. My mom's aunt was around 80, she was never married, no kids and had recently moved into assisted living facility.

My mom's aunt had a close "friend" that she had known for 20+ years, he was married, there is the possibility that they had an affair at some point. Well in her later years they became even closer and at some point my mom found out that she gave him power of attorney. My mom asked why and she said it was so he could help her pay her bills, manage her money and pay for her assisted living.

My mother explained that she would be more than happy to help my aunt with that stuff and that she should switch the POA to my mother and father. My mom tried to approach it without being accusatory of the friend. My aunt's response was that my mom/dad live in NJ, she lived in NY and so did her friend and it was just easier for him to do it.

We are not talking about a significant amount of money that my mom's aunt had at this time and the only way we could "fight" it would be to basically say that when she gave him POA that she was not mentally competent to understand what she was doing. That process would have been a lengthy and pricey one for both my mom AND my mom's aunt and would probably upset the relationship and not an easy one to win. In the end my mom just let it be.

It's not easy to convince an elderly person that they aren't making sound decisions, being taken advantage of or losing mental capacity.

In the end we didn't fight it. A few years later when she passed we found out that she updated her will. It was originally split 50/50 between my mom and uncle, updated version was 50% to the "friend", 25/25 to my mom and uncle.

My mom had seen her aunt's financial statements when she helped her move into the assisted living facility so based on how much it cost to live there, her rough estimated expenses and what she had left when she passed we don't believe he stole any money, besides the update to the will.
When she passed there was ~100k left. If her aunt had millions of dollars we may have handled it differently.

it is a delicate balance to not ruin/lose a relationship while also trying to protect and help your relative. My mother had many conversations in the final few years with her aunt trying to get it changed while not causing a rift and ultimately was not able to convince her to change it back.

Not much advice except that it is difficult to deal with and every situation is unique, depending on the financial situation and what exactly is happening.

Good luck with the situation you are dealing with.

^ this is something I am having thoughts might be happening... I dont have any real proof, other than a feeling based on a change in financial attitude on the behalf of my mother and the fact that someone has come into the late portion of her life suddenly.

this is me really scared... I am not really sure what to do at this point.

I did have a conversation with her late last year about these modern times and trusting someone from outside the family. Her attitude is that she isn't that dumb or easily influenced... but the truth be told, she is that easily influenced.

I thought about getting a PI to do a background search and risk assessment, but that seems a bit underhanded and makes me feel like I am the one trying to get at her finances. My wife thinks it's my responsibility to ACT as I am the eldest son (there are only two sons) and it really is just my mother, my brother and myself left in the family.

she is a lady of means and is generous, so this is unnerving. My mom is closing in on 90 now, and while I love her dearly... it seems somewhat unusual for someone to be attracted to a 90 year old woman from a relationship perspective, specially when that other person is younger.

After my wife's aunt developed dementia a sister, a very very distant relative, and a few nursing assistants stole a number of items and a sizable amount of money from her. They covered most of their thefts pretty well but didn't avoid prosecution altogether. I don't think any of the items or much, if any, of the funds were recovered.

It was fairly evident for quite a while that the aunt was being taken advantage of, but nobody in the family had any idea of the extent of it until it was way too late. I'm not sure anyone would have wanted to risk the changes in relationships that certainly would have resulted had someone intervened earlier. Families can be strange.

Good luck.

Does your mom have a relative or close friend around her age that she trusts? My parents are now in their mid 70's and my dad's driving went way down hill around 2 years ago, when we talked with our mom she said she had noticed as well.
When I or my siblings talked to him he mostly blew us off. My mom then privately had the conversation with him about maybe not driving anymore, he was hardly driving anyway as they are both retired and my mom has always done most of the driving. She was able to convince him.

It's hard to give things up you have been doing your whole life or take advice from younger people sometimes. I have found that my parents are more likely to take advice on these types of things from each other or people their own age.

Not sure if you have that option.

schu, the answer really seems to depend on your relationship with your parent.
prefaced by saying i've obviously never met her, one bit of advice to offer is don't expect the situation to be resolved after a single conversation
curious if you've had her describe the history of how she came to meet this new friend
make her think again about how past experiences happened

I believe there are elder abuse caseworkers who deal with these exact situations. The link below offers info on Adult Protective Services, and they deal with financial exploitation of elders. Good luck, I am sure this isn't easy to approach.

https://www.napsa-now.org/

Ms, that's a tough one. My unsolicited advice is to step in and get involved.
Tell her that you need POA in order to handle finances, expenses, funeral arrangements etc.
I think you'll have regrets in the future if you don't...

My aging parents get slyly upsold buying food now and then without realizing it. They'd be furious if they knew, crazy cheap.

I am sorry to say that your options may be limited here. If she is willing to give you a POA, then your problem is largely solved. But if she isn't, it will be very difficult for you to obtain one involuntarily unless she is obviously compromised or she has a diagnosis (e.g., Alzheimer's) that makes it clear that she is unable to make decisions for herself. And if you try and obtain a POA over her objection and you are unsuccessful, you risk making the problem worse.

The problem is that financial institutions won't accept a power of attorney that isn't on their own form. That's ok if there is only one bank to deal with. But if there are other companies (retirement, insurance, etc.) then you need to keep getting new ones signed. Ask me how I know.

How do you know?

Not only that, but my understanding of a POA (IANAL) is that she will still be able to write checks, transfer assets, etc. The POA simply also would grant MSchu the ability to do so as well.

A conservatorship is likely what is needed, but as you say it would likely not only be difficult to obtain but also strain the relationship terribly.

You make a good point about the POA, but at least it would give him more visibility and ability to make sure that her money is spent on her care.

Overall, this is a tricky situation to manage. You obviously have some options if an elderly parent is outright scammed, but I suspect that OP is worried about a situation that falls far short of an outright scam. The law isn't set up to prevent people in her late 80s from leaving money to a sweet-talking 55 year-old man, even if the 55-year old man's main motivation for spending time with the elderly woman is the hope or expectation that she will give him money, either while she is alive or in her will.

It's amazing how brazen some people are. My wife's father got married and divorced four times. The last wife was about forty years younger than he was. After Wife #4 realized that he didn't have any more money left, she called my wife to tell her they were getting a divorce. She explained that she had been counseled by her friends to get out while she was still young enough to entice a similarly situation person who still had money.

One thing we have learned, it is really hard - as it should be - to take over someone's financial life, even if they want you to.

Agreed. That's the flip side. We don't want to live in a world where the first time grandma needs a hearing aid, the kids can swoop in and start siphoning the money.

My Gran got scammed a few times online, although we're fairly certain she really knew it was a con and just dgaf... I remember my Mum telling her off for sending money to random from a stupid email, and her reasoning was if they were doing this stuff, they probably needed the money more than her.

My favourite email she got, that she brought to us, was from a Nigerian astronaut.

Turns out there was a top secret Nigerian space project that this gentleman had been a part of. He'd been paid a lot of money and had got shot off into space. After that there had been a regime change in Nigeria, and the space project had been forgotten, leaving the astronaut stuck in space while his money was accumulating huge amounts of interest in the bank.

He needed my Gran to send a small amount of money to the Nigerian bank to confirm he was still alive or something, which would unlock his funds so he could pay to get back to Earth, where obviously he'd reward her with great riches.

We told her it was probably not real... Although still to this day, when I look up to the stars, I do wonder if there is still a Nigerian astronaut up there, floating about, waiting for my long dead Gran to get back to him.

wondering if nigerian astronauts look up to the jamacian bobsled team for inspiration